The next phase.........

Since I was the eldest in a clan with 5 kids.......a depressed mom (sorry Mom) and an absent narcissistic father (sorry Dad)....and throw in a lot of alcohol......I did a lot of hiding.   It was pretty crazy in my house growing up...and never feeling like I 'fit in' and yet felt held responsible for the rest.....well, I just wanted to be out of it.......and away from.........the chaos and crazy......

And guess what?

I am.

A life long quest for sanity and peace has finally been bestowed upon me.

I had to sit long enough for the ringing in my ears to stop to realize that.

And that the little bit of chaos that remains in my life........is the remainder of my self induced quest to make everything all right for everyone else........as my focus was on 'them'......and never me......or at least I thought if I could make all of 'them' OK, Happy and Well....... then I would be OK and perhaps not so 'alone'.

So I still have some work to do.........for me.

Right now my physical 'chaos' is my studio and all the stuff I brought with me from the 'big' house that does not serve me anymore..........

As I just went through a giant purge last summer......of really great stuff I might add.......another one is looming.....and  today, I see it as manageable........where yesterday it was overwhelming.......and hopefully this feeling will stay with me until the job is done........

There are many tips on purging.......believe me, I think I've heard them all.......the latest and greatest is to ask myself......."Do I love this?, Do I use this?"..........and now I believe I will ask "Does this serve me?"..........as in 'Serve' me in my life?.........'Serve' my purpose?........'Serve' my need for Beauty and Order?............'Serve' my creative practice........?

It's been 9 months (oooooooooo I love that metaphor!) since I moved to this smaller dwelling.....I do believe I should be able to make some decisions using that criteria........